I love music. I feel redundant by saying this because I’d like to meet a person who DOESN’T love music. Although, I take that back. I’d hate to meet someone that doesn’t have a passion for at least listening to music. It has the power to take your mind off of what ever stresses may filling your head. It lets you relax and forget about your problems for a while, even for only three minutes. In a way, music could be a superhero.
Justin Vernon, or more formally known as Bon Iver, has been my savior in the music world. He has such a unique voice and sound that I’ve found in no other artist. Whenever I listen to “Skinny Love” or “Woods” I feel connected to him and the song. That’s power. Yesterday when I was skimming through news sites, I laid my eyes on the best news I could ever receive. “Bon Iver is releasing a new album this year.” But not just releasing a new album… no. Releasing a new album on my birthday – June 21. I’m just so excited and thrilled for my ears to have some new songs to sink into. I take back what I said about music being a superhero. Justin Vernon is a superhero. At least in my mind.
This now ends the Justin Vernon appreciation post.
This is his tattoo. I need not say any more.
One of the most puzzling and frustrating questions I receive is: why are you single. I could respond with a mundane and robotic response like “I haven’t found the right person.” But I think even if I had found them, I’d still be weary of giving my heart to someone else. That’s a scary thing to give away – your heart. Because with your heart, your happiness follows – and that’s really funny if you think I’m going to depend on someone else for my own happiness.
I feel like I’m alone in this thinking, though. Almost everyone wants to be in a relationship, or at least have someone. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many sad Taylor Swift song lyrics are posted on Facebook statuses. I guess wanting to be by myself, at least for now, comes from not wanting to get hurt. But does anyone ever want to get hurt? No. Another reason why I don’t want to be in a relationship right now is I feel like I’d be the one to break their heart. Whenver I start to feel close to someone, I scatter. (Like a kittycat!) But really, it’s terrifiying feeling close to someone – emotionally, physically, mentally. Because good things can’t last forever, and eventually, something’s going to tear whatever happiness you’ve felt apart. So I think it’s best to just leave before you’re left.
Maybe one day I’ll feel vulnerable enough to feel different. But for right now, I can tell you one thing. There’s no way I’m going to turn into one of those Taylor Swift-loving, cry myself to sleep waiting for a phone call kind of girl, any time soon. I’m far too independent for that.
I’m surprised I’m alive, breathing, and without bruises or scratches after this weekend. Well, that was up until I stepped on a pair of scissors five hours ago and now I have a makeshift tourniquet on three of my toes. This would only happen to me. I also got a flat tire yesterday. And if you know me, this was an event in itself. You see, I’m quite “naïve” when it comes to anything related to cars. I’ve never pumped gas before, let alone change a flat tire. Actually, I did once when I was in Girl Scouts, but that’s when I was ten and is clearly irrelevant now. But, this nice man at the auto repair place changed my tire for me, free of charge. He was a lovely man.
And the only reason why I’m saying “this weekend” when it’s clearly Tuesday and quite some time has past since the weekend — I slept through the whole day yeseterday. I cannot wait for summer. However, that seems far away now considering there’s a blizzard going on outside. I kid you not. A legit blizzard. Exuse me while I take Tylenol PM until this clusterfuck of a week is over with.
Another thought that’s coming to my mind that needs to be addressed: why is being asked on a date so awkward? It truly is – especially when you don’t really know them. And it’s even more awkward when you’re clearly not interested, but they keep trying anyway. It’s like, I know you want to take me out to eat food, but if you can’t tell by all the text messages that go ignored, I’m clearly not interested. I need to take “bitch” lessons. I’m too nice. Siighh.
I would hate to be a possum. Seriously. You’d wake up every day and be like “Dang, I am so ugly.” And then, shortly after, you’d get hit by a car.
I feel bad for possums.
I think Mother Nature is PMSing right now. I kid you not, ladies and gentleman, I had to drive home in a SNOW STORM last night. Yes, a legitimate snow snowstorm – luckily I had a snowplow to follow, but that’s not much of a consolation. Honestly, in what climate is it okay for the sky to spit down ice crystals in April? I thought we were over this, Mother Nature, but apparently not. I mean….why would I want to be in the desert in California listening to all my favorite bands when I could be here. Looking at the wet, white ground.
End of weather rant.
After work, my friend Hillary and I like to go drink coffee until 4 a.m. – because that’s logical…? This has become a weekly event, which in turn, leaves me extremely tired and disfunctional the next morning. We like to have the motto “we can sleep when we’re dead.” Her and I can sit there for hours – and we usually do – talking about anything and everything. We also met this wonderful girl named Arwen, who is our usual server. She knows to have a fresh pot of coffee and two chocolate chip cookies waiting for us at about 1 a.m. on Friday, Saturday, and Sundays. She’s named after Lord of the Rings and she’s a wonderful human being.
Usually on our late night musings we see a few third shift workers and I guess people who suffer from insomnia as much as we do. But last night was different. We saw people we were friends with a few years ago. It’s always kind of awkward and weird at first when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while. But in no time we were all cracking jokes and letting the nostalgia of old times sink in. When I got home, I started to reflect on last night. It’s scary how someone you used to be so close with can become literally a complete stranger. How often and easy it can happen is even more frightening. And maybe that’s my fault – for not holding onto my friendships with a tighter grasp. I wish I could freeze moments in time and save them for later, and then gather all of those paused moments and piece them together into one big collage. I also wish teleportation was invented… but I wont get into that.
Now Playing: “Wake Up” – Arcade Fire
This morning as I lay here in bed, drinking my usual two cups of coffee, I can’t help but feel somewhat sad and nostalgic. However, that sense of nostalgia is a result of something I’ve never experienced. I’m referring to Coachella. To say I’m bitter about not attending would qualify as the understatement of the year. Today marks the start of the festival, and instead of being in California attending set after set, I’m here—2,000 miles away.
The bands and artists I’d be looking most forward to seeing are: Cold War Kids, The Black Keys, The Morning Benders, Animal Collective, Bright Eyes, Empire of the Sun, Foals, The New Pornographers, Two Door Cinema Club, Jack’s Mannequin, Best Coast, fun., Jimmy Eat World (just to see “Hear You Me” live), The National, and The Strokes.
If you know me at all, you’ve probably realized I left out two very important groups: Arcade Fire and Mumford & Sons. It even pains me to type their names, knowing I wont be able to watch their performances. I’ve requested from one of my friend’s who is going to get me a picture of Marcus Mumford. That’s all I ask…..And maybe to steal him for me and ship him to my house to teach me how to play the banjo. But I’d be perfectly content with the former. But it honestly makes me so sad, irritated, frustrated, and all other bad feelings in the world, to know I wont be able to watch Arcade Fire perform “Wake Up” or “The Suburbs” or watch Mumford kill it on their banjos while performing “Little Lion Man” and “Winter Winds.”
I just love music so much, and to not be able to attend a festival where all my favorite bands are going to be performing is heartbreaking. But, you mark my words, next year I WILL be there. Or I’ll hit a child.
Instead of doing something productive with my time, like lets say, homework or packing up my apartment, I decided to make yet another distraction for myself. Welcome to my thoughts on paper –or I guess “computer screen.” Basically I needed an outlet to spill out my thoughts that are kept hostage in my head, because let me tell you my friend, that accomplishes absolutely nothing for anyone. So lets start off with the basics as to why I’m so anxiety-ridden:
I’m starting a new chapter in my life.
I’m going to be moving to LA soon, and by soon, I mean hopefully within the next month or so. That is, whenever I can pry myself away from my parents. I’m such a homebody and not being able to see my mom and dad and brother on a daily basis (or weekendly basis) scares me. I suppose I’ll have to learn how to pump gas one of these days too. I don’t think “Minnesota nice” will translate too well over in California. But it’s not like I’m moving out to LA without knowing ANYONE. The girl I’m living with is from my hometown and I know a few other people out there as well. But if you know anything about me, I can make friends with a rock –according to my mother. So what exactly do I want to do in LA? That’s a great question. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be successful. You can interpret that anyway you’d like. Successful and happy –I think that’s all anyone wants out of life.
“What-if’s” are taking over all the empty space in my mind and filing it with nonsense scenarios that probably will never happen. Thinking too much keeps us hostage in our own bodies.
But, you know, if I hate LA I can always move back. The world is literally fresh ground that my footprints haven’t even made an indent on yet. “Yet” being the key word there.
Now Playing: ”Rome” - Phoenix